Love Sick; Knowing when it’s real.

With Valentine’s coming up over the next week, I thought it was appropriate to write a post on relationships. I have been in some of the shittiest relationships in the past, to the point where many of my friends have told me that I should write books on my awful embarrassing and downright ridiculous experiences.

Having being in various relationships over the past 3 years, I’ve definitely learnt and am aware of different feelings a person can have towards others. I am in no way an expert but this is my take on a couple of things and for me, how I know that I am completely in love with Adam, and have never been remotely in love with anyone previously. And why I won’t ever settle for anything less than I have now. (Adam’s not going anywhere, he’s not allowed, haha!)

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How do you know?

With Adam, I just knew. I’ve always, even during the whole time we were friends, felt a level of chemistry with him that hasn’t been present with any other person. He’s always given me butterflies and made me nervous, meeting him I’ve never been so excited and scared. And the moment I had my arms around him I wanted to kiss him and be his girlfriend on the spot! I knew for sure then! He’s always been someone I could talk to about everything and he’s always been a person I’ve let inside my head despite at times not wanting anyone inside my head. I’ve always come back to him and I’ve always wanted to be more than friends. I’ve literally never fancied a guy the way I do Adam. He’s beautiful though! Kinda follows! He’s always been a safe place for me, to be myself and never hide away. We talk about the future and I don’t fear that he’s going to leave, not beyond that occasional “what would I do without you?” which amounts to me being unable to take him for granted seeing as I am beyond shocked that he is mine. He’s the sort of guy you’ll always put effort in for and do cute little things for just to see the smile on his face, not because you want anything in return but just because you can. And he puts as much effort in as I do, it’s never one sided.

Being with Adam is so different to being with any of my ex’s. That’s a big tell tale sign! If it feels very different to other relationships. You need to learn why? Is it a good thing, bad? For me, this is the nicest, most loving and trusting relationship I’ve ever had. I always go to him when I’m down, if I need an extra burst of love or reassurance. He always listens, always cheers me up, he even makes me feel loved on my ‘hate myself’ days when I can’t give myself love. The whole dynamic of the relationship is different to anything previously, and a big reason why is the fact I actually want to be with Adam. I haven’t just said yes for the sake of it, just to have someone. I’m not in love with the idea of love anymore, I’m in love with him. Imagine someone else in their position, if you could easily swap them for someone else, you probably aren’t in love with them and just want someone there.

One of the biggest differences and the biggest reason as to how I know I love him, is just how much I trust him. He could be in a room with ten naked girls who have bodies carved by the God’s and I can guarantee he’d walk straight out of there to come get me in my scruffs on the other side of the door. I don’t ever find myself stressing or worrying over the company he keeps, or checking up on his social media friends etc like I did with my ex who I knew was cheating on me, and did come out that he had done many times. Trust is very important, without it, there isn’t a relationship or any foundations.

He makes me laugh, that kind that makes your tummy hurt. I can talk to him about serious stuff like money and babies, even the gross stuff like toots and poop, and the sex stuff like “I’m into..” and “I didn’t cum but I’m going too..”. There’s no limit to how much I trust him, and the fact he feels like home and supports and encourages all of my dreams and goals just allows me to fall for him every single day. And the whole entire time we’re just laughing and giggling and roasting each other and flirting. Even on the shit days, we’ve still got each other to make each other smile. Soppy, I know! But true.

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When’s the right time to have sex?

Oh boy! The ongoing question that no one really knows the answer too! And that’s because I don’t think there really is an answer, it happens when it happens. The biggest way to know is to look at yourself. Do you really want to? Are you remotely turned on right now or just doing this for the sake of it? What’s your gut telling you?

Always go with your gut. I’ve waited a month or two before, and also had sex before the first date. There is literally no right or wrong time. It’s entirely on how the two of you work together and the chemistry, situation; if you’re remotely unsure, don’t do it. If you don’t feel comfortable with your clothes off in front of them, and you haven’t given protection or contraception a thought, you probably shouldn’t be having sex yet. If it was the right time with that person, you’d want to rip your clothes off in seconds and sit on his/her face, as well as having discussed contraception because babies, and also as much as we want to assume they don’t, STI’s. Not romantic, I know. But gotta be taken into consideration.

And don’t be scared, although if you fancy them and you’re turned on and basically about to cum before they even touch you (I’d wanted Adam for three years. Give me a break!), you probably won’t even be bothered about whether or not you’re scared or worried about it. Don’t stress over whether you’re going to have an award winning performance in bed or deliver the best head to ever be given in the world. Just assume that you are that sexy little lover whose wearing the crown of head and own it. Just make a move and see if they reciprocate it back! If they feel remotely as turned on as you, can guarantee they’ll have octopus arms. Not that I’m about to go into the details but I’ve never wanted to rip a man’s clothes off as much as Adam’s, and I think I stopped breathing after he stripped off and got into bed. And I’ve never wanted sex as much as I do with him, but after years of shitty sex and finally getting the Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar in the form of a man, can you blame me!

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But how do you know you really are in love, even after all these things?

I no longer sit and think ‘oh this is it’ or ‘this is all I’m getting’ or even ‘do I have to put up with this for years’. I don’t sit and wonder if there is anyone better for me, because I know there isn’t. He’s everything I ever wanted in a person, down to all his physical features and I’m a damn lucky girl, but I don’t fancy or even look at anyone else. I genuinely don’t. I went away to Ibiza with my best friend and she’d point out ‘hot’ men whilst I pointed out puppies. Adam is the only person I want to flirt with, and when I do something fun or exciting I always wish he was there if he isn’t. I wish he’d been there to share certain days and events in the past just because I want everything with him. I don’t want him to change, everything about him I love and he’s the most caring person I know. We’ve never argued because if we do have words said between us or bicker, we discuss and compromise and talk about how each other is feeling. He’s home in ways I’ve never felt or had and I know longer feel like something is missing or unfulfilled. I feel really fucking lucky every single day and still revel at the fact he’s mine. And if I had a 50/50 miniature with him, I’d want them to be more like him because he’s genuinely that wonderful. He makes shit days okay days, and I don’t question whether or not us being together is right or whether or not I feel anything for him because I know that I do, and that us being together is something that’s been a long time coming. And I know he isn’t going anywhere.

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